How Children Express Grief
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We cannot always know what a child is thinking or feeling. We must take our clues from their behavior. A child grieves his losses with the same hurt as an adult....perhaps with different understandings and for different reasons, but the hurt is just as deep and no less painful simply because the surface area is smaller. Grief Hurts!!
Grief is a natural and normal reaction to loss and change. It is a physical, emotional, spiritual, and psychological response. The death of a loved one may be the most devastating loss one experiences, yet grief occurs following any change in our lives. Even positive changes can bring a momentary grief response.
Grief is a complex issue, guided by our past experiences, our religious beliefs, our physical health, our socioeconomic situation and the cause of the loss. Grief is the internal response to loss. Mourning is the external response, the one that is visible to the rest of the world. Love, anger, fear, frustration, loneliness and guilt are all a part of grief. It is important to understand that grief is not a sign of weakness, nor a lack of faith. Grief is the price we pay for love.
Children tend to cope with change by expressing themselves in ways of behaving. They act out their feelings and fears rather than talk about them. Children may not mourn ( public expression ) but all will grieve. They may not always understand why they hurt, but they can identify that they do hurt. All children react differently, but some of the most common expressions of grief in children, whether they are coping with a death, divorce, abandonment, family move or friendship dissolution, are:
- Shock- Numb- Frozen
- Hurt ( bodily distress, emotional pain, psychic pain)
- Anger
- Apparent Denial
- Envy- Jealousy (ex: "Would you love/notice me more if I were dead too?"
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- Regression
- Increased Dependency
- Panic ("Who will take care of me now? Are you leaving me too?")
- Silence
- Withdrawal
- Disinterest in previously
engaging activities
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- Behavior Changes
- Fearful
- Depression
- Acknowledgment
- Feelings of abandonment
- Temper Outbursts
- Over Activity
- "Model" Behaviors
- Guilt & Magic Wishes
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HALos's is deeply grateful to Darcie Sims for her willingness to share this info. with others. Darcie D. Sims, Ph.D., CGC, CHT/ Grief Inc./ 9016 Taylorsville Road #181/ Louisville, KY 40299/ (502) 671-0535/ Email: Griefinc@aol.com
