The death of my twenty three year old nephew, the drowning of my fifteen year old son, and the alcohol related car accident that broke my seventeen year old son's neck all happened in this order within an eleven month period in 1993, causing the world as my family knew it to come to an abrupt end. I felt like my family had been swallowed up whole and spewed back out from the dark depths of the sea. Leaving us face down on the cold wet sand debris covered shore. Too weighed down by exhaustion and pain and on too unsteady ground to be able to get up on our own or help one another.
Emotions like anger, rage, regret, and self blame ran rampant, creating havoc and demons. I kept my demon hidden, afraid to open my Pandora's box. For I had grown up believing that anger is not an acceptable emotion especially for a woman. I read everything that I could get my hands on regarding anger. It felt like it didn't even come close to the volcano that I had rumbling within me and increasing in pressure. To keep it from erupting, I became obsessed to build a pond. Struggling with each shovel full of earth as it was turning to mud beneath the surface of the standing water. Many thought I had gone mad.
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